monday monday :(

Boooo. I woke up feeling a bit BLAH. It was a dreary day outside and my chest hurt. My first thought was Steph’s smoking might be getting to me, but I think I may actually have a little cold or something.
On the way to school, I noticed someone had labeled the 2 fountain faces on the clock tower in my square Emilio and Carmen in chalk. I smiled.
I didn’t really want to go to school, although I do feel more comfortable here in the second half of the course. Our first lesson was in Spanish to show the basics of having a new tense in another language. I did surprisingly well considering I’ve never studied Spanish. I could follow the formulas, but I couldn’t remember whole sentences for the production activity. Then we had another lesson on phonology. I was very frustrated during it and so was our teacher.
Laura asked me if it was an American holiday today. I said no and then thought wise of it. I said maybe one of the presidents' days. Later on in the day, I saw something about Martin Luther King and told her OOOHH it IS a holiday today, technically. I was a little embarrassed.
Steph and I had lunch at the healthier place again. I had pesto pasta again and we split a breaded chicken breast. Mikaela went with Charlie to the old bakery we used to go to.
Then I had a ½ way meeting with Erwin. He didn’t make me feel very good. He agreed with me when I said I’m a better student than a teacher. He said I got a C, B- and C+ on my lessons so far. He said it’s Europe so they don’t really do A’s. He said I need to work on clarity, monitor more, work on increasing student-talking-time and do better with time management. I already knew all of those things, but for some reason hearing them from him made them feel like boulders I need to move… HARD. He had lots of good stuff to say too- that I do good drilling, clarify well, use visuals well, and establish good rapport with students. He said I’m very professional. Those were all nice, but they seem small compared to my issues. He did say something about setting my sights on an A. He made it seem like a stretch, but possible. That was optimistic of him. I felt a bit emotionally abused after the talk even though I hadn’t been mistreated.
I worked a bit on my one-on-one report. Then I decided I was done and was going to leave with Mikaela. However, I realized my COAT was in the classroom where someone else was doing a lesson. We decided to go to the market and then I’d come back for it. We shopped and joked around. Then at the checkout, I realized my wallet was in my coat. HA! Mikaela lent me money and I went back to school.
When I went into the classroom, Carlos asked me if I’d do some one-on-one time with him. I told him I was very busy but that I’d think about it. I can’t really see what’s in it for me and I AM very busy, but I WOULD like to be helpful. I could have been nicer in the moment, but I was so beat. I almost cried talking to Steph and realized my throat hurt a lot.
On the walk home, under my umbrella, I almost cried. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’m a bad teacher. What if this isn’t really a good profession for me?! I panicked a bit and briefly considered quitting the course. In my room I did have a bit of a cry. Then I worked on my blog and played with my pictures and shoved it out of my head. When I’m not feeling good, everything looks AWFUL. I worked on my resume and emailed it to Jen, the job guidance lady. I also considered asking her about what would happen for me if I decided to stay in Barcelona. I really do like it here.
I had dinner at the foccaceria. It was late enough that they considered it dinner and had a waitress instead of order-at-the counter. I noticed there were men in the shop, where it’s usually women when I go. I am adjusting a little to the Spanish eating schedule—lunch in the early afternoon and dinner at night. I had the brie foccacia.
On my walk home, I realized it was a nice night and it wasn’t even raining any more! I walked past my door and around the square. Lots and lots of people were out. There were loads of cute dogs out for walks, mostly bulldogs, interestingly enough. I also walked down a side street and around to get to my house. More shops were open than I usually see. I decided that maybe I should take up “paseo” every night! I was in a great mood, even going up my 70 steps. I played with my pictures more and went to bed rather content.